Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Raising Boys

a) For those who have grown children, this is hysterical.
b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft. House 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. Room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The EMTs in Greentown, IN have a 9-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid
26.) Mashed potatoes do not come off of walls easily.
27.) Mashed potatoes do not come off of dogs easily....at least the parts they can't lick off themselves.
28.) When a five year old tells his father this will probably make his mommy mad, he's probably correct.

Feel free to add your own in the comments!


Dan & Angie said...

Michelle - are you even kidding? Your boys have done all of that? I am laughing out loud hysterically right now! I thought that my brother and I gave MY parents a run for their money. You and Chad should be considered for saint-hood!

worshipful1 said...

welll....soooome of them are not mine...I consider them a warning.

Holly said...

I love it!

Anonymous said...

I hate when people try to pass off others' work as there own. This is pathetic. This list has been circulating in e-mails for years (I believe I read it first in 1997). This is a form of lying you know.