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Today, I didn't mean to do it...but it happened anyway.

I had to go back to work. Last year, the normal routine was to stop by one babysitter's house and drop off Luke before going to the other sitter's house. Inadvertantly, I turned to go to the first babysitter's...but she doesn't watch Luke anymore. SO, no big deal? Just go to school via the other babysitter's house from there, right? Sure. I didn't realize until I was about 100 yards away that I was headed RIGHT for the cemetery...and Dad's site is right by the road. I haven't gone at all yet, and I didn't think I wanted the first time I saw the site since the funeral would be on my first day back to school. But it happened anyway. And the kids knew what was going on so they started asking questions.

Tears stung my eyes, but I stayed strong. Dropped off the kids, headed to school. First meeting? New superintendent. She told her life story....lost a parent to cancer as a young girl. *dagger to heart*

Next, a guest speaker (who on a side note, literally said from the stage in front of all the teachers "you can work your balls off - to bleeding!" - you could have heard a pin drop.....). What does he talk about? "4 things I learned from?" You guessed it "My dad." *dagger to heart*

I told Jenny I'd go back to work today because, after all, my school district has nothing to do with Dad. Apparently, his witness and testimony was farther reaching than I expected. I was flooded with people asking me if I was okay and extending their sympathies. I didn't really expect it. I didn't even eat lunch with anyone. I just wanted to hide.

Don't get me wrong, I realize that people are caring for me....but I just wanted to feel normal today. That didn't happen.

I had texted Chad about the drive-by at the cemetery this morning. His answer were song lyrics my dad used to sing to me....in the car, when I was sad....maybe you'll know them. At the time, the text did make me smile, just as he hoped. Now they sting. Here comes dagger #4 for the day.

I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow....